Commentators, Talking Heads, and Monologues

Brene Brown defines that 'Perfectionism is not self-improvement, is self-destructive, is addictive, and is a response to an all-consuming question: "what will people think?"'. Straight-talking, no frills, no beating around the bush. One of the crystallised nuggets from her was that perfectionism sets a 'path to anxiety, depression, and life paralysis'. And so we miss out on opportunities and fall into a trap of the vicious perfectionism cycle.

I am a perfectionist.

I had been conditioned to get good grades, be the good girl, sacrifice yourself for others, work your ass off, and follow the rules. All that for what? - my step mum being pleased with me for a minute, my friends allowing me to be part of their group, my work colleagues giving me just a little ounce of respect or none. But what has done to me?

I am exhausted, burnt out, and have not been able to make wise decisions. I also feel lost, discontent, and don't feel like I belong anywhere. And all because I am anxious of 'what will they think?'.

Frankly, I realised that THEY don't care.

THEY are just passing commentators who may seem to be an expert on the topic and have been asked to comment on events. These people are commenting based on what they can see at a point in time (said event) and not knowing holistically the people participating at the event, the practice put in, the injuries and the recoveries, and any other factor that is affecting the performance. See, there's that word again: performance. Have you been living under the burden and shadow of a or group of commentators? Always have their nagging voice throwing caution, shame, and guilt on you? It is time to mute these voices. In short, THEY do not deserve to live in your brain and sap all your energy.

THEY are also talking heads that just provide their analysis and evaluation on snippets of facts and their observation. Their voices can be loud and prominent, as do all newscasters since it's their job. But in reality it's not their lives that they are reporting on. They are also behind a screen, all made up and mic-ed up presenting a journalistic point of view of someone else's event, someone else's life. And there's that point again: it's their point of view, their response to your 'what will they think'. But they are not reporting on the full picture and THEY don't have all the answers nor the right to pile comments on you.

Listen, your life is not one dimensional. You are not one dimensional.

It is time you shut down all these commentators and talking heads in your life and start living your own story. Choose to hear your own voice, making intentional decisions that comes from your core (gut, heart, spirit).

I did.

I realised that I had already done this twice in my life. In both those instances, I never felt fear, I muted all the commentators and talking heads, and took full responsibility of my decision. In some cases, the commentators and talking heads were in one person and I decided to stare her down and stand my ground with full resolve. I actually felt empowered and alive; with clarity and focus on my decision.

I wished I had more of these banner moments to look back to and remind myself of the agency I have to choose differently for me. I realised that there is only one person that is powerful enough to shift my mind and my life to where I want to and that is me. So I am going to start a monologue to myself, a rousing speech of sorts spoken by me to me.

I am now going to be intentional:

• To be courageous

• To being me

• To not lose myself

• To not hop on the performance wheel

• To not please others first

• To ignore the commentators and talking heads

Maybe it's time you deliver this monologue too and start living your life fully.